Kevin Carlstead, LMFT
My Approach
Types of Therapy
Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT)
Internal Family Systems (IFS)
Accelerated Experiential Dynamic Psychotherapy (AEDP)
Somatic Experiencing (SE)
Types of Lenses
Humanistic
Attachment
Systemic
Poly-Vagal
Couples Therapy
Throughout my education and training, I focused on types of therapy that created long-lasting, deeply authentic change.
I didn't focus as much on modalities that provided people with scripts, rules, and tools. While I appreciated the quick results they showed, they consistently skipped over core issues to focus on surface symptoms.
When we only address surface symptoms (for example, "avoid defensiveness and practice listening"), the underlying wound (like deep-seated shame) actually becomes more aggravated (since it's without the protection that the defensiveness used to offer) and then finds another, usually more intense, way to protect itself.
This is kind of like when we try to pull a weed in our yard without attending to the root system below. The weed just comes back, and usually with a vengeance.
Reaching for the Root
"Attending to the weed's root system" usually means killing it. But, that won't work for our nervous system.
It's impossible to delete a core part of who we are
If we try to delete a part of ourselves, our nervous system sees that we don't like who we are and causes us to shut down in shame or fear
Once we shut down from this self-rejection, the underlying wound won't reveal itself...robbing us of the opportunity to change
When we show compassion for ourselves, we allow the root issues underneath the surface to come out of the shadows and reveal their purpose. This gives us the chance to build a more attentive, caring relationship with our deepest needs. And, this stable self-relationship is where authentic change grows from.
While following rigid scripts and rules keeps us in our heads and distant from one another, tuning into our truth below the surface creates a path towards closeness. When we share that raw aliveness with our partner, even our most challenging moments of communication can transform into moments of real connection and genuine belonging.
As Your Couples Therapist
I will help you create a compassionate and honest environment where you can feel safe enough to drop your armor, allow each other to see the human aspects of yourselves (filled with insecurity, confusion, loneliness, fear, or hurt), and learn to trust your natural ability to connect from that place.
Over time, your nervous system will build trust in this way of relating because of the closeness you feel in those moments. Then, you'll work towards cultivating this environment on your own so that whenever a new symptom arises, you'll be able to hold a loving space to lean in, find the root, and work through it together.
